The next month will be dedicated to as much singular focus on the one thing
that has made any true sense in my life in a long time:
Dharma Practice in the shape of-Chenrezig Sadhana, Shamata, Ngondro and Tonglen.
My lack of clarity is so great that I have become almost completely lost.
I have not forgotten what I am here for, thankfully, but I have
not been able to tell what could be of real benefit.
This has made me
harm those I love, those who love me and, I'm sure,
countless other beings I am not aware of.
My heart is broken.
Broken by the harm I have caused.
Broken for the time I have wasted.
Instead of wallowing in my sense of
shame, self-pity and regret,
I am choosing to return myself
with firm disciplined resolve to
the only thing that can help us all.
I am broken.
I am grateful.
I am open.
That I have been given the opportunities to practice
with so much focus this year has been a gift.
Yet, I allowed myself to be distracted by my
own neurotic needs and confusion.
I don't want to waste another moment of this
truly precious existence with my bumbling.
I know this is right.
I know it will make me more able to
be of actual benefit.
All I've ever wanted was to be of real service.
I'm not sure I have been.
When I look around at our suffering world,
what other option do I have?
We have to do what we must.
It's not even a choice.
It's what we're here for.
The rest is not even possible
without some level of clarity of mind.
May this time be spent in dedication
to clearing my own obscurations,
so that my harm will be less,
so that all beings may
Back in a bit.